Having a ‘down’ day? Feel useless? Depressed? Feel like hiding, crying, going back to bed….? Don’t worry you’re not alone, feeling better is a walk in the park.

pexels-photo-631986.jpegWomen are known to be ‘multi-taskers’. Thats a fairly big title to live up to. What if your starter motor fails one day? And all of your oomph has morphed into a bleurgh? You know what you should be doing, but you simply cannot get beyond staring into your empty mug of coffee. Having a duvet day is just not allowed. Resting and blobbing around eating chocolate and other rubbish is all you want to do, but you know its just PLAIN WRONG, so your blobbing, flopping, wrong day is severely tarnished with guilt and self-hatred; you’re a failure, you’re useless, you’re ugly, you’re fat…. you’re blah blah blurgh.

food-eating-candy-chocolate.jpg

Because women are natural carers, nurturers and people-pleasers – more so than men – we often set ourselves much higher standards, and when we undertake to do what may previously been considered a man’s job, we feel we have to do it way better, just to prove ourselves. So we’re extra thorough. We’re more diligent. We’re bloody killing ourselves.

pexels-photo-156085.jpeg

Of course it will eventually get to us. So how do we drag ourselves out of this exhausted rut? Other than reaching for the gin, chocolate, shopping, or all of them? From the age of 45 onwards we have the added struggle of free-wheeling, outta control hormones; many of us have children leaving the nest; some of us also have failed marriages and therefore sudden single-dom to also deal with.

It’s a fight ladies. It’s a fight with the truth. You have to look at your truth.

kickboxer-girl-moscow-thai-161017.jpeg

Make time to both reflect on your achievements, and to look forward to your ambitions. Maybe the last thing you want is to think about is you. Don’t be scared, this is her – The Long Forgotten YOU. Say hello to her and make her happy.

pexels-photo-774866.jpeg

Who are you? What do you love to do? What makes you tick? The first thing you should do is take care of your health, both mentally and physically. The two are intrinsically intertwined and when you allow yourself to succumb to chocolate and gin, you will pay – the short-lived pleasures as the toxins engulf your senses are swiftly followed with the downers, the results of such indulgences.

Try and take yourself to a higher plane. Yoga is incredibly good for this. Not only does it encourage you to stretch and strengthen, it also encourages breathing correctly and getting into meditative state. Once in this place, devoid of angst, devoid of self-loathing, you will find that part of you that you somehow lost along the way. If yoga isn’t for you, then simple long walks in amongst nature can also remind you of your earth, your grounding and what a flowering blossom your life continues to be, despite what it may seem to be to you right now. Mindfulness is a big trend and not without reason.

Mindfulness: Getting Started

pexels-photo-906106.jpegFor the more financially blessed amongst us, you can’t do better than to indulge yourself at a retreat or a spa for a few days – you will come back a renewed and stronger person.

Vogue Spa Guide – Best Spa Breaks in UK 2018

Drink plenty of water. Eat plenty of greens. It’s so basic. It’s so obvious, but we all forget these things from time to time when we become awash with what seems like a ton of losses at once. Being alone with your thoughts can initially be terrifying, having time to reflect can make you tearful, but actually once you get there and you realise what life still has to offer you, and indeed, what you have to offer it, then you can being to feel worthwhile, complete and happy once more. Your happiness is solely up to you. Find your inner peace, it’s somewhere in there, you may have to search for a while, you may have to shake off a lot of negative feelings, but start with being proud of what you’ve achieved so far. I am sure its quite a lot.

 

Advertisements

My TOP, VERY BEST FINDS this year so far…are: Sri Lanka (yeh, lucky me, or is it just being 50+, & therefore a more urgent traveller?);a seemingly simple face cloth and finally, an incredible leg transformation kit.

I’ve discovered that once you hit 50, you are more aware of time running out, which, in a way, is a really good thing, as not only do you throw caution to the wind and do things like book an amazing holiday to Sri Lanka, (where I discovered all kinds of nature’s wonders, including natural beauty products, this will be in a future post, as there is way too much to tell you), but you also try your hardest to get the things you really like and want. So when something “wows” me, I want to share it, so if you can’t get to Sri Lanka just yet, you may well at least be able to get the following gems into your beauty regime

pexels-photo-839605.jpeg

I’ve discovered that once you hit 50, you are more aware of time running out, which, in a way, is a really good thing, as not only do you throw caution to the wind and do things like book an amazing holiday to Sri Lanka, (where I discovered all kinds of nature’s wonders, including natural beauty products, this will be in a future post, as there is way too much to tell you), but you also try your hardest to get the things you really like and want. So when something “wows” me, I want to share it, so if you can’t get to Sri Lanka just yet, you may well at least be able to get the following gems into your beauty regime.

THE WIPE OUT MICROFIBRE FACE CLOTH: I’ve been lucky enough to do a lot of ‘beauty’ modelling for QVC UK, (a tv shopping channel), where I get to demonstrate a considerable amount of products. Whilst doing these demos, I obviously have to use the very products we are selling; so I get very good, real experiences of each and every one. Not many things really make me sit up and shout “wow”, but this face cloth made me thoroughly “wow”, and “wow” very aloud. I LOVE THIS SIMPLE FLANNEL. It literally GRABS tight onto every single bit of dirt, grime and make up; one that leaves your face INCREDIBLY clean and lovely, but without taking off an extra layer of skin. It’s much more brilliant than any normal flannel could ever even hope to be. Even with eye make up – this flannel removes it easily, with just water and nothing else. In my opinion, The Wipe Out , is The Face Cloth God: in a league of its own.

10392017_1271625600070_3137098_n
My beautiful friend Susie and I (& our legs) many years ago

THE GAME CHANGING LEG COLLECTION: Again I have QVC to thank for introducing me to this next set of products. All by Margaret Dabbs. A podiatrist; a foot guru; a string of salons’ owner; an innovator and a general just amazing person. Some of you may well have experienced the luxury of a treatment at one of her many clinics. (London, Dubai, Doha, Gloucester..), others will have, like me, discovered her through QVC; and, for those of you who have not yet had the pleasure, I am delighted to introduce her (& her wonderful wares). She is mainly known for her incredible foot treatments, of which I myself am an avid fan (Foot Hygiene Cream) and use many of her other products, on a regular basis. She also has developed great products for the hands and nails, but her latest and biggest  ‘wow’, is a set of ENCROYABLE treatments for the legs.

I already do an all over body scrub on, almost, a daily basis. So that’s quite a lot. Plus I moisturise religiously après shower, with either pure coconut oil, SBC Collagen Gel, Flora Mare Body Lotion or Vaseline Intensive Care Body lotion, so I thought I was already doing my best. Little did I know. My leg-skin was in for a massive treat. We had under six minutes to demonstrate a whole leg treatment kit – beginning with an uplifting and thorough scrub; rinsing that off; then applying the (in my case) YELLOW (or you can chose BLACK) mask treatment all over all of the legs, then waiting 12 minutes (we had, at the most, 3mins) then rinsing that off; and finally moisturising with the firming leg serum. My legs looked like they’d been photoshopped. The skin was visibly much, much smoother and silkier, as did it feel. The thread veins seemed to have considerably diminished and there were no visible dry patches. It was literally incredible. I was gob-smacked. And that was only after a mere six minutes. What would happen after 12? I had to buy the kit and believe me, I have not been disappointed. My legs look ten years younger; healthier, silkier and generally just a lot, lot nicer. Plus they feel better, and my circulation has definitely improved. Genius products. Get your legs summer ready; impress yourself. Its a fabulous experience. I really want to literally SHOUT about this set, it is THAT AMAZING. (Unless your legs are already in mint, tippety-top condition, then I guess you wouldn’t notice that much of a dramatic change; but for all the rest of us…do NOT hold back).

 

32124_1453195099194_4139430_n
Susie, with her lovely legs

 

 

When your whore-moans get outta control. Menopause and them hormones.

end_of_the_jarvisstroll

Hot flushes. Mood swings. Weight gain. Weakening bones. Ba ba bing. 

You’ve all experienced various levels of premenstrual tension. Maybe you were one of the lucky ones who just shed a dainty tear at a toilet roll TV advert featuring puppies, a day before you came on. Maybe you had furious migraines, got horribly bloated and HATED everything (except chocolate), for at least a week prior to hemorrhaging your pants off.  At both extremes, you were controlled, or at least ‘altered’ by them hormones.

Menopause = PMT x 1000

you-cant-blame-everything-on-your-period

 

Yet despite experiencing these periods, on average 450 times in our lifetime, we still find it extremely hard to step outside of ourselves and recognize that what is happening is not necessarily how we ‘normally’ feel.

We’re not normally so tearful, nor are we normally so angry, nor do we normally feel, in simple terms, quite so bloody shit. But it is real in that moment and we have to strive to control our tongues and/or our tears.

So when ‘normal’ leaves the building; when there is virtually zero control and when your whore is moaning BIGTIME, what do you do?

143-61067-babycrt-1412618128

Ask your mum?

I asked my mum (apparently we often meno very similarly to our mothers). She told me she was a complete bitch for a year; she couldn’t really recall anything about the hot flushes and/or sweats – she lived in a very hot country at the time, so there was no gauging it. That wasn’t amazingly helpful.

 

KNOW I am affected by this meno-bitch; simple logic tells me that. But I struggle to sieve out my normal truth from my whore-moaner. How can I tell if my despair, or my sudden anxiety, or my snappiness is unjustified or not? My hormones make everything feel so convincing and real, that I can’t.

woman-thinking-30s-horiz_iviwos

But what I can do, and what I suggest you do too, is to do everything possible to minimize these symptoms. Embrace this challenging time, grab this whore by the hair and ‘own’ her.

Help yourselves as much as you can with your mind, your diet and (for some) HRT. 

HOT FLASHES. I live in a (currently) cold country, so I absolutely DO notice my hot flashes. A very good, old friend of mine explained how she dealt with these infernos. She looked at them as empowering, she was in awe of what her body was capable of – going from 0-60 in seconds, furnace boiling, suddenly soaked in sweat, and then, just as quickly, it’s passed. It’s incredible; it’s something top magicians couldn’t do…okay it’s also embarrassing, inconvenient and causes way more laundry. But be little fascinated by it, because it is pretty amazing.

DIET: there are several foods and drinks you should avoid to minimize the flushes, as well as some foods that help to balance your hormones naturally. With balanced hormones, you are more likely to keep control of weight gain too.

Guide to managing menopause with diet

What NOT to eat and drink.

  • caffeine – one of the WORST for hot flashes, moodiness and sleep problems
  • alcohol – ditto
  • spicy foods – can contribute to more hot flashes, but they’re no where near as damaging as caffeine, alcohol and
  • sugar – cut out sugar and you’re fighting fatigue and weight gain
  • refined carbohydrates – high carb foods contribute to fatigue and moodiness

What TO eat and drink 

  • water, plenty of it – this helps; decrease bloating, vaginal dryness and dry skin
  • fresh fibrous fruits, nuts and vegetables – you need much more calcium now, so go for lentils, almonds, sardines and dark green leafy veg
  • whole grains – oatmeal, quinoa, barley, brown rice – all provide B vitamins which help boost energy, manage stress, and keep the digestive system functioning.
  • soy and flaxseed are thought to mimic estrogen, (this isn’t proven) which can help with mood swings.
  • vitamin D – if you don’t live in a sunny climate, and don’t eat a ton of mackerel or tuna every day, then get some Vitamin D supplements. You should take 1000-2000 international units daily. Vitamin D is essential for calcium absorption (which is essential for bone density) and helps with depression and anxiety.

So all in all, this whore-moaning meno is far more manageable if you DO accept what’s happening and help yourself as much as you can.

Roll with the punches girls and, hopefully, you won’t do the punching.

What to eat during menopause

 

 

What’s happened to my waist?! Time to sort yer waist out – let’s Get Waisted

cs-426-black-leather-waist-training-corset-front_2048x2048

Did Father Christmas aka Santa give you more than you wanted this year? Has your spare tyre gone a little cray-cray? If you’re over 45 then your middle will be attempting to expand, regardless of the festive season, owing to those extreme hormonals doing their wild circus acts indoors. Add that to your alcohol intake (menopausal women are the biggest culprits) being higher than it was in your earlies* (see reference below) and your flab is having a party, possibly even complete with a bouncy castle, blobbing around where your waist used to be.

large waist

It’s not pretty, it’s not clever and it’s certainly not healthy.

So what are you going to do about it?

Sadly, it’s not easy to shift. But it is possible. And the earlier you tackle it, the better you will feel. It’s that simple. It’s not difficult, if you can stay focussed on the end goal, and trust that these small changes will ALL help find that waist again.

 

Quick-Fixes-For-Your-Waistline-1000x667

1. It’s glaringly obvious, but stop eating so much.

Especially so much rubbish. Why put things into your mouth that aren’t going to achieve anything? I know, I know – because they taste nice and you’re craving them and and and….BUT, the more you eat processed meats for example which are full of salt (SALT both dehydrating and a big contributor to high blood pressure, strokes, heart disease, osteoporosis, stomach cancer, OBESITY, vascular dementia, diabetes, water retention….need I go on?) the more you will want. Salt is evil and addictive.

devil salt

Get rid of it. You’ll have to exercise some will power initially – avoid processed foods; stop adding salt to your fresh food – and you will soon find that your cravings for salt will diminish: thus freeing up your will power to use in another department.

Sugar is equally as bad and in foods that you wouldn’t necessarily have thought of. Read this for more info.

Alcohol is full of sugar  so do try and cut back there too, if you can.

 

Smoothies are also full of sugar if they’re too heavy with the fruit – be wary of these deceptive ‘health’ drinks.

Reduce your portion sizes. The healthier your diet, the easier this will be, as ’empty calories’, do more damage than good; they play havoc with your sugar levels, making you feel hungrier than before, within a very short space of time.

acad1980deaad3bd

I highly recommend snacking on pumpkin seeds, as they stave off your hunger; they contain zinc which helps regulate your insulin levels, (part of what controls your hunger levels); they help decrease blood pressure, hot flashes, joint pains and other menopausal symptoms. 9 Amazing Benefits of Pumpkin Seeds

 

2. Stand up straight, hold it in and walk tall

Actually don’t just walk tall, WALK MORE. If you’re not doing more than 2000 steps a day, then up your step count somehow, this will definitely make a difference. Most phones have a pedometer on them somewhere; find it, or download a health app and start checking your step count. This will encourage you to walk more.

walk-feet-2

Every time you are walking, try to be conscious of your posture. Walk as tall as you can, remembering to push your shoulders down and back, and to hold your head high. Pull your tummy button in to meet your spine as often as you can remember to do so. Try not to slouch when you’re at your desk or at the dining table. The more often you pull yourself in, whether standing, walking or sitting, the closer you’re getting to burning calories and redefining that waist. All without going to the gym.

3. Drink more water.

waterIt might sound so dumb to some of you, but yes, it does make a big difference. The more water you drink, the more hydrated you are and the better EVERYTHING works – including your circulation which is imperative for flushing out toxins and keeping the systems running smoothly.

 

Try drinking a large glass every time you get peckish, it will allay the hunger whilst also reminding you to drink more water. You’ll see an improvement in your skin as well.

4. Stretch and do some weights

I know this is now entering territory that some of you won’t want to go to, but if you can do these things too, then you’ll achieve your goal quicker. Getting into shape isn’t all about cardiovascular exercise. Menopausal women in particular should be doing some weights. Not only are weights one of the best things for toning the stomach, but they are crucial to keeping our bones strong which is imperative to avoid osteoporosis – an increasing problem in women aged 45+.

waist-trainer workout

If you can’t get to a gym then start doing the plank – only one to two minutes every day – you’ll soon see the benefits.

landscape-1500369952-woman-doing-plank-at-home

 

Stretching is also great for helping the stomach recoil and get firmer. Yoga and pilates are brilliant for this. Find a class near you, it may help with your emotional well being too.

If you can’t implement all four of these tummy-changing suggestions, then at least try to implement one and you’ll begin to see a difference. But whatever you do, don’t tell yourself its impossible, because it isn’t.

You can GET WAISTED if you want to.

Let’s do this. corset

Continue reading “What’s happened to my waist?! Time to sort yer waist out – let’s Get Waisted”

Confession time: I’ve gone and cheated. Brazilian style.

Priest-Confession-690x450Even though I listened to my own advice and have been taking supplements, using coconut oil and hair masks etc etc; my hair continued to break at an impossible rate. Unless a pro with loads of serum, talent and patience, gave it a jolly good blowy, my hair remained frizzy and embarrassing. Seeing as I model, this was beginning to possibly cost me work, so DRASTIC ACTION had to be taken – cutting it all off was simply not an option.

128

The Brazilian blow dry.

I had heard of it years ago, when it first took our hairdressing salons by waves. A mystery wonder treatment that burnt keratin into your hair and left it shiny and straight for a good 3-6 months…for which, some salons were charging as much as £300. Luckily non-menopausal me didn’t need it at that time.

However, times change…having battled for the last year with seriously depleting locks, that snapped, broke and split at every possible moment, I was beginning to truly despair. Until a friend politely suggested I had a Brazilian. So I went and got myself one. Two weeks later (and several washes, with the specified paraben and sulphate free shampoo and conditioner), it is still SO MUCH BETTER than it was. It doesn’t break every time I sneeze, it doesn’t look nearly as bad as it used to, after my lame attempts at drying it nicely. I’m not embarrassed by it. In fact, I love it.

My Brazilian Blow Dry Experience

I will continue to take my supplements, as underneath that lovely keratin lies some troubled tresses and I genuinely think they help. I will also continue to try and care for my hair in the best possible ways, including using decent shampoos and oils etc. So if you’re like me and are about to give up and give it a big chop then maybe a Brazilian will delay the cutting it all off a little longer.

Here’s the shampoo and conditioner I’ve been using

Hands up if you’re over 45 and are having the best sex EVER? And hands up if you’re not (but you wouldn’t mind…)

Hands up if you’re over 45 and are having the best sex EVER? And hands up if you’re not (but you wouldn’t mind…) here’s how

Womens-Hands-Raised

One of the best things about becoming older, is that fabulous confidence/lack of care as to what anyone thinks. By now, you know what you like in the bedroom. You know what you don’t like, and you love what you do like.

carmelladelaforce

It’s a known fact that women our age do seriously enjoy sex. We’ve lost our inhibitions that we may have had in our earlies, we’ve maybe worked out a few fave moves and we are less worried about what we’re doing wrong or what we are doing right. 

highheels

So why aren’t we simply just doing it? 

Because we can’t find the right person to do it with.

Or maybe you’ve given up even thinking about it, as it’s either been unattainable, or so unenjoyable that you’re simply not interested. And that department is now closed. But you do still fancy some companionship.

Don’t worry you are not the only one.

So if you want sex with no strings; or sex with some strings; or just some strings and no sex, you need to let someone know. You need to find him, or he needs to be able to find you.

helenmirrensexy
Mandatory Credit: Photo by ITV / Rex USA ( 666175AR ) Helen Mirren in ‘Prime Suspect VII’ – 2006 ITV Archive

The thought of internet dating freaks loads of people out. Its time to get over that. Its okay. Its just the way it is these days; if you can’t beat it, join it. It’s easier to date now than it ever has been. There are so many sites that for them to be successful, they have to make them really quite niche, which should (in theory) make it easier for you to find what you’re looking for.

Who are you? And what do you want?

If you’re over 45, then you’re classified as mature (regardless of how childish you are).

“Mature Dating” sounds so very grown-up, sensible and safe: but is it though? Obviously there are always going to be the less than wholesome blokes lurking around in any given place, so be smart about where you meet up and don’t give out your address until you feel secure enough to. But that doesn’t mean its anymore dangerous than simply walking out your front door. And of course, there are some good guys too. The same has to be said for us women, some of us are fab and some of us can be pretty scary. No one is perfect, so don’t seek perfection, it’ll end in tears. But do be realistic, don’t lie about your age, don’t upload an overly retouched photo of yourself, and don’t be shy.

Get date-ready and get out there.

mirrenmakeup

So if you’re looking for companionship, that may well lead onto the best sex of your life (there’s always hope), or if you’re just looking for straight forward companionship then rather than looking on sites that have every testosterone-fuelled 24-40 year old on there, look on sites that are closer to home and closer to what you want. Here’s where ‘Mature Dating‘ can and does help.

Don’t shy away from sites that are trying to tell you in their domain names EXACTLY what you can expect, even if they do sound a little dull or dour.

Try one of these: Older dating Cornwall Dating Agency Aberdeen Dating Agency Edinburgh Dating Agency Cardiff Dating Agency

Or if you just want to have sex and nothing else, (not even a conversation), then you can go to Adult dating

Another great (and FREE) site for anyone ready to get out there and have some companionship…and maybe more, is We love dates

The rules: be safe, be yourself, be honest and DON’T talk about your past relationship. Its boring. Move on. Enjoy girls!

GOOD WINTER SKIN: THE ESSENTIAL INGREDIENTS. Which moisturizer is THE BEST?

single-use-face-masks-are-the-future-of-skincare

Okay so you do have to make a little bit of effort here girls; your face is going through the daily onslaught of central heating, freezing winds, low winter sun, pollution etc; we need to recognize that at this time of year, its quite awkward for our skin, to say the least. So what with Madame Winter and Mrs Menopause, which also has a habit of totally screwing up our skin, we really need to be putting a lot more in, just to keep our skin feeling average, let alone good.

And this means more masks…boring, I know…well at least I find them boring, but they really, really do make a massive difference. They don’t have to be expensive, they can be as cheap as an avocado and a spoonful of honey or milk and almonds; but they do have to offer some form or nurturing to our otherwise suffering epidermises.

Here’s some great natural face mask recipes

green face mask

So now we’ve ‘masked’, what are the best (top ten) moisturizers for Winter skin?

I’ve been trawling the web, accumulating data from every list: from Vogue, to Marie Claire, to InStyle, to The Independent, to Cosmo, to very many more. I wanted to find out which products truly are THE BEST for our skins. Unsurprisingly every list was very different; only a handful of products came up more than once, which says to me that they either have incredible PR people, or these moisturizers really are the BEST.

The first is an oldie but goldie, it’s been around for years and is amazing.

Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Skin Protectant

EA 8hr Skin Protectant

Kiehls Ultra Facial Hydrating Moisturiser

Kiehl_s_Ultra_Facial_Cream_50ml_1442302034

Probably the most expensive one…Creme de la Mer

cremedelamer

Ole Henriksen Skin Insulator This one at least has a token SPF15 in it, which is still better than none. Despite it being cloudy and chilly, we need an SPF all year round. The depleted ozone layer has made sure of that.

Ole Henriksen

Origins Make A Difference Plus

i-015293-make-a-difference-plus-rejuvenating-moisturizer-1-940

Sisley Confort Extreme….pretty expensive too

sisley-confort-extreme-dry-skin-care-cream-ivory-day-cream

Eau Thermale Avène Hydrance Optimal – this one is great and cheap

beauty-products-skin-2010-eau-thermale-avene-hydrance-optimale-cream-en

Elemis Pro-Collagen Marine Cream 

both moisturizing and with a good SPF30…..we like an SPF remember…

elemis-pro-collagen-marine-cream-spf-30

Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizer

I personally never got on with Clinique,  but as it came up a few times, I thought it diligent of me to give it the mention….

Clinique-System_pielegnacji_3_Kroki-Dramatically_Different_Moisturizing_Cream

Clarins Hydra-Essentiel

….used in combination with a serum this can get great results

Clarins

I concluded that there are an awful lot of extremely good products out there, so use what works for you, but just use more of it…don’t forget to protect with an SPF, use a serum as well as your moisturizer if you just need a little boost AND try to MASK at least once a week….oh and just because it’s cold, it doesn’t mean you don’t need to drink lots of WATER. Try to make yourself drink plenty, it really does help…central heating, chilly winds etc totally dehydrate our skin…..cheers girls!

WaterFromPitcherPouredIntoGlass.jpg.653x0_q80_crop-smart

IMG_5623
Doing a hydrating mask, its so dull and you look so stoopid…but it has to happen…..